This is a topic I’ve been avoiding for a while because I was afraid that Jared might see the post. But, I don’t think he’s ever voluntarily gone to my blog, so I’m going to take a chance here and say that he won’t see this. One of the problems that is pretty constant in my life and something that I think a lot of other people will resonate with, is a relationship’s effect on your eating habits.
There are a few different ways that relationships really seem to play a role on eating. In my mind, there are stages and each, has a different cure (for lack of a better word). For the sake of things, I’m going to explain all of the stages from a woman who is dating a man’s point of view, but this can, of course, apply to someone of any gender and sexual orientation.
Stage One: “We Just Started Dating and I Just Want to Not Gross Him Out Stage.”
This stage is always bad because it seems to be the time when a lot of binge eating happens. You just got into a relationship with the cute guy that you just met (or have known for a while but just got up the courage to finally go out with, whatever) and now you just want him to like you. You don’t want to be the person who orders a salad when he wants someone who orders a burger but you don’t want to order a burger and completely gross him out. You don’t want to drink to much or say anything that will make you look stupid. You’re nervous (unless the date is a total dud) so you’re stomach is already doing twists and turns, and you’re racking the menu for something that you can eat and won’t risk getting any sauce on the shirt that you bought earlier that day from Charlotte Russe. It’s not exactly a healthy thing yet we subject ourselves to it all of the time. Then, you get the guy who says “I like a girl who can eat” and suddenly you feel the need to eat more than you can handle because he’s going to be more impressed by it… or something like that. So, already, one date, maybe two, in this person who you hardly know is already impacting the way you’re eating. Personally, I always seemed to eat next to nothing out to eat for fear of seeming gross and then the second I got home eat everything in sight. Not exactly healthy. Especially if you date a lot and it’s something you do multiple times a week. Don’t intentionally make yourself uncomfortable. If you know you’re not going to want to eat when you’re actually out, don’t go out on a dinner date. Choose the movies or a Carnival or something that doesn’t require you to eat. If you don’t want to put your foot down and say that you don’t want to go out to dinner, eat a snack beforehand, that way you’re salad will actually fill you. And stop worrying about what he’s going to this about the food you choose, odds are, he doesn’t really care.
Stage Two: We’re Finally in a Steady Relationship But He Doesn’t Share My Eating Habits
This stage doesn’t always happen, but it is pretty common. A lot of men, especially those who are single, tend to have food habits that are far below healthy. Jared, for instance, prefers anything fried, and if he could, he would eat burgers, fries, and onions rings every day with the occasional bacon and extra cheese pizza. Love him but getting him to agree to eat healthier was not easy, and every now and then I have to give him one night of unhealthy eating or he’ll lose it and go nuts, eating all of the fast food he can get his hands on. When a relationship is still decently new, it’s easy to fall into his eating habits and you may gain some weight during this time. The most important thing I can say here is please do not beat yourself up about it. This is normal and if you beat yourself up, you’re most likely going to completely fall out of your diet and give up. DO NOT DO THIS. If you find that you’re eating less healthy foods when you go out with your significant other, eat healthy when you’re not with them and maybe work out a little harder but do not give up and do not starve yourself, this will not help with anything. When you realize your mistake, figure out ways to fix it, without making yourself uncomfortable. Maybe, instead of eating the whole burger and fries, you go for a veggie burger, or you only eat half and save the other half. Whatever works for you is what’s going to be best for you.
Stage Three: “We’re In a Serious Relationship, What Did I Get Myself Into”
This is the part of a relationship stage that Jared and I just got past. We’ve been together for what will be 3 years in November. I love him and he really is my other half. That being said, we got comfortable with each other and as a result, we both put on some weight. I started cooking the foods that he liked, and for a fear of spending too much money, we shared everything. We both grew up eating frozen foods and in houses that had a decent amount of junk food in them. His family, unlike mine, at least had some consciousness of what they were eating and his mom worked hard to keep healthy options available. For the greater part of my life, my family couldn’t afford healthy, fresh foods, so we ate frozen dinners a lot; a habit that carried over into the beginning parts of our relationship. I didn’t want to cook for him and have the risk that he wouldn’t like my foods and I would get really upset if he didn’t like something so we stuck with what we knew and the pounds kept on piling on. This is common in a lot of relationships. People tend to put on pounds when they become comfortable and they don’t realize what’s happening until something smacks them in the face. Most of the time, it’s the number on a scale. Now couples are faced with a problem. You have to find foods that both people like that are healthier than the foods that you were once eating. Sometimes, when both members aren’t committed to being healthier this is hard. The most important thing is not to let food come between your relationship. Your significant other doesn’t have to share your health goals. Don’t let that be a stresser on your relationship, do what’s best for you and let them come around in their own time. This is something that took me a little too long to figure out.
Stage Four: “We are Committed to a Healthy Lifestyle, Together”
It could take a long time for this stage to finally hit. People realize that they need to eat healthier in their own time. For Jared, it wasn’t until I was already committed to a healthy lifestyle and I had started secretly switching our meals over. But, while I was waiting for him to come around, I was stuck buying foods that weren’t the 100% healthier versions like I wanted. But, there was compromise and sometimes that’s the best you can ask for. Finally, Jared came around and he realized that the healthy foods can be just as good as the frozen, greasy, and unhealthy foods that he had grown to love. He trusts me in the kitchen and I don’t get upset when he says that he doesn’t like something, instead, I think of healthy ways to alter the meals so that he likes them more. Once you hit this phase, it’s important to make sure that both people participate in choose the meals that you are going to have. Let him have some input in the foods that you eat, that way he doesn’t feel out of control. Most importantly it’s okay to have cheat nights every now and then. Give yourself a night every couple of weeks where you do eat something that you both miss and don’t punish yourself for it.
For me, my relationship has changed me in many ways. It made me even more unhealthy at first, but now, it has made me healthy. Having Jared support me and be willing to eat healthy with me has inspired to me to try a lot more things than I would have in the beginning and we’re both living healthier lifestyles because of it. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned over the past couple months it’s not to punish him when he does eat something unhealthy. He will always love fast foods, and it’s up to him to change the way he eats. Getting mad at him only causes an unnecessary stress on our relationship. He may not have completely come around, but I know that he’s on my side, and that’s what really matters.
Shopping Healthy 